my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
