Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
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