Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
