he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
