so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
