I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
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