Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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