i wish my penis had a tongue
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
