I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
