id be glad to
My cat gives me a boner
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
So apparently I’m into choking now
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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