You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
