I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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