So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize
