i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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