im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
