GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
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