Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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