i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Who did Billy Mays play for?
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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