Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
