i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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