I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
