Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
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