he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
