He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
