He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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