I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
