whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
