Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Just high enough for therapy.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Randomize
