toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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