I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
