I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I just had sex on a roof
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
