I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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