Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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