I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
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