I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Randomize
