never play flip cup with pint glasses
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
