I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
