omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Randomize
