I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
