adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
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