what if every blade of grass was a penis?
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
either way he was missing a nipple.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Randomize
