he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Randomize
