Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
