Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
