i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
