I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
