its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
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