cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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