so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
