drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
