Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
