Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
