ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Randomize
