he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Randomize
