i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
