I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Randomize
