omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
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