i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
